im kinda scared of you lately
u have these super idealistic or super extreme visionsof everything
nothing in what you see of people or the world is balanced
i won’t go into the girls thing because it’s too complicatedbut professionally you’re attracted to certain things (harvard, math people, etc)
because u see a certain “glow” thing on them
u don’t see that it’s not all glamour or rather
u choose not to see the other side
that makes for a really bad policy further on
heh, I’m going to turn into Hilter
is that what you are saying?
no
but u’ll turn into a very spiteful person if you can’t reach the very top
or if you do and u’re not gonna be like the rest
u’re gonna have a nervous breakdown
but haven’t I always been like this?
you might have been
but this is waaaay more than i’ve ever seen it before
not only
having this certainty of how much anger and lack of satisfaction to the point of spite
…all that stuff u keep inside
it really scares me
makes me wonder if you’re friends with people because of themselves
or if you’re friends because they are people you somewhat look up to/people who go to good schools
Jan’s description
I think you have another quality that is a more general cause of the problem
I think you are very quick to judge in general, not just people but non-people concepts too
and you have a hard time going against your grain, experimenting with something different, trusting that just because a way
is not the way you’d do things, that does not mean it won’t work just as well or better
you are very apt to change the world to suit you, which is in general a good quality, but
Jan Siwanowicz: sometimes it is better to let others change it while you watch
you’re also too tense
